Inner Fat Girl Dialog #1

I keep hitting a road block in my journey. I get so far, only to give up, and not keep going.

Someone suggested that I journal my feelings. Brilliant idea…since I journaled when my son died. Apparently I process things better when I write them out, good, bad and ugly…so ugly!!

Today is my first time doing this.

I’ve always been a big girl. Right in the same 20b range since shortly after puberty. And boy was I made fun of. I had also developed sooner than the other girls…so that “helped”!

I’m also plain lazy. I procrastinate. I make excuses. I don’t follow through with many things.

I resort to what I’m comfortable with, old habits. They don’t die well, I tell ya!

I reach for food when I’m bored, tired, out of inspiration, when the kids go to bed…. When my hubby leave for work. I drink coffee, instead of eating breakfast.

I’ve never been thinner, I’m not even sure how I’d react. Maybe it’s fear of the unknown?

I also have Hashimotos Thyroiditis, a lovely thyroid disease that likes to collect and keep fat cells. Those fat cells are nice n happy here.

Is that an excuse? Maybe. I know I need to stop being lazy and call a doctor about it.

I’m rambling… Its what I do well.

I do ” fat girl” well…I don’t know “Healthy girl” or “Trim girl” at all. And I think they scare me.

 

*Disclaimer: I follow the Trim Healthy Mama plan for eating, if you are interested in it, please consider purchasing the plan book and cookbooks, for further information!*

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